How Perfectionism And The Fear Of Criticism Hold Us Back Financially

We need to talk about the perfect kids.

The kids or teens who were the good kids, the straight A kids who were the model kids, the kids we were sometimes compared to growing up.

We need to talk about how this weight of perfection holds them back in adulthood and holds them back financially.

These were the kids, who always did as they were told and were respectful to a fault.

They rarely experimented in alcohol or cannabis and were focused on all the right things.

Everyone had high hopes for them. They were seen as successful before they even reached university.

I was NOT this kid.

I was the kid parents would feel sorry for or thank God their children weren't like that.

I was too weird, too outspoken, too visibly tortured and I was a runaway teen with who spent time on the streets making friends with sex workers.

I wonder if anyone actually believed I’d grow up to do anything productive as an adult?

I think my parents hoped I’d just grow up and be less tortured.

My parents spent most of my teens in principals' offices begging them not to expel or suspend me.

I suspect my parents are still amazed I graduated from high school. Hopes for me were low.

I’m in awe of how my life turned out.

The only thing I ever wanted to do was get high on weed as I camped on various beaches around the world.

The more I do this work and hold space for clients and studes, the more I meet adults who were the golden kids.

I’ve come to learn that that weight of perfection also carries its own brand of trauma and can affect our finances in a myriad of ways:

1. The need to be perfect as an adult

Everyone saw them as the golden child so as an adult they have this invisible pressure or need to maintain this image.

They tend to be under pressure to do the right things or do things in the right way:

Marry in time, have kids on time, have a steady career etc.

When this isn’t fulfilled they feel like they’re failing or not good enough.

They have a crippling fear of taking financial risks because they need to be certain that things will work out before taking action.

They can take a long time to launch any new product, service or innovation because it needs to be perfect; this can lead to procrastination and putting off their own dreams as they opt for the safe path.

2. Inner critic shadow

Because of their need to be perfect, they criticise themselves a lot when they dont excel at things the first time round.

The thing with never having failed as a child or teen is that you never learned how to handle failure as a kid and yet you're guaranteed to fail as an adult.

Most adults that were the golden children obsess with doing things right and fear failure, because failure is still a new concept to them.

Also they got a lot of validation from being perfect.

It’s hard for them to grasp the concept that there’s no right way to do anything because they were praised for doing things right.

I can always spot the golden kids in the course because they need to know that they are meditating correctly and panic when they dont see anything or have the expected experience.

The need to make something right or wrong, makes it hard to just experience it as it is.

Obsessing about the right way to do things makes it hard for us to tap into our soul messages, to trust our intuition and our next steps about money which can lead us to take the long way to financial expansion or just stop us in our tracks so we stagnate.

3. Compare themselves to others

It’s normal for us all the compare ourselves to everyone else, if we grew up being compared to others.

This is how we gauge our progress. It's human but it has its downfalls.

The golden child has this need to be bettee than others and this makes it hard for them to accept any shortcoming they have.

They have a hard time forgiving themselves for things they deem big mistakes.

They can keep replaying the mistakes, which can start creating an element of doubt about themselves and their abilities, which can impact the way they manage money.

If we doubt ourselves with money, if will be hard to take financial action in faith and this doubt will come through when we discuss money with clients.

It will come through when dealing with financial professionals - we’ll give up our financial power and believe that everyone knows more about money than us.

This is how people fall victim to scams and buy into the belief that they can't budget or invest.

Click on the video below to learn more about this topic

Were you the good child? The perfect child?

How has that label affected your finances?

Share your insights in the comments section below.