I arrived back in South Africa 2 weeks ago after a week long stop in Brazil, where I visited a friend in Guaruja and spent time in what I consider, the most perfect swimming water.
It's also in Brazil that one of my closest friends dared to me to approach my love life in the same manner I've approached my finances.
I think, she and some of my other friends are worried I'm still stuck on my ex.
Or maybe they are worried because I often forget that I'm single until someone points it out.
So with valentine's day approaching I thought it'd be a great idea to reflect on the things I've learned about love and money.
It's easier to give and receive love, when we love ourselves
I spent years looking for someone to love me, just so I could feel validated and worthy of this life.
I yearned for financial freedom, not because I wanted to be independent but because I thought it'd make me more lovable.
Deep down in my heart, I believed that I could only get love if I was perfect and financial freedom was part of that quest for perfection.
My case isn’t unique – most of us have a reason for not loving ourselves unconditionally.
For some of us that reason is weight, for others it’s age…
Unfortunately, looking for love and validation outside ourselves impacts us financially.
Seeking approval has a negative impact on our finances
The quest to please others and looking for others’ approval holds us back financially.
Most of us are stressed because we’re in everybody’s business instead of staying in our own business.
We have enough going on in our heads and our lives to keep us entertained and confused; we don’t need to worry about what others think about us.
How does seeking approval impact our finances?
1. Increased debt
When we worry about what other people think about us, whether we’ll fit in. be liked or approved of, we forget that the most important relationship is with ourselves.
We end up spending money we don't have to impress people and fit in, which could lead to increased debt.
2. Increased spending
When we live in fear of “others” opinion about us, every action we take is immediately followed by a question about what “they'll say” or how they'll treat us.
We spend money on things so people can like us and we can fit in.
3. Decreased savings and investments
When we focus on others’ perceptions of us, we have to be aware that we're also focused on perceiving others and judging others.
These perceptions and judgements give rise to emotions, such as guilt, shame and envy, which have a negative impact on our financial behaviour such as savings and investments.
it’s important to know how to love ourselves
Something amazing happens when you start to love yourself and start to see your own worth: you set boundaries and teach people how to treat you.
When you love yourself you seek your own approval and stop trying to please others, which makes you more likely to start living your truth and do things that please you.
When you love yourself you begin to realize that the love of others is an added benefit and not the reason to live.
And because the law of attraction is a law of nature, our external environment will start to change – all your relationships (including work) will become better.
When have great relationships with people in our environment, our stress is reduced which has a positive impact on our finances.
When we love ourselves and give ourselves the freedom to be we hold the space for others to find their own greatness and prosper.
How to practice self love
1. Practice self-compassion
People spend a lot of time criticizing themselves instead of nurturing themselves or showing themselves compassion.
When you show yourself compassion you begin to focus on your own wants and needs and begin to show yourself kindness.
2. EFT Tapping
I love combining EFT and inner child healing to help clients work through self-criticism and self-hatred. You can start by setting up a statement that feels true about loving yourself and start repeating that as you tap through the acupressure points.
3. Positive affirmations
Many people love affirmations because they're simple and easy and can be done anywhere. An example of a simple and easy affirmation is: I now love and accept myself.
4. Meditation
Meditation is a great way to be still. observe yourself and start to see your own beauty. Its also a powerful tool for self-acceptance
As nice as it is to receive the love and approval of others, it’s just as important to approve of ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally.
As Wayne Dwyer says, “If you focus on what others expect of you, you’ll continue to act on and attract more of what they desire for you. But if you can shift your inner thoughts to what you intend to create and attract into your life, you will no longer have to give mental energy to what others want for you.”
How do you think self love impacts our finances?
Please share your insights in the comments section below.
