Trauma Keeps us in Survival Mode and Makes Expansion Difficult
One of the things I keep learning on my journey is to allow myself not to know and to have compassion with my learning process.
The truth is a lot of things that are normal to most people were hard for me, especially when it comes to money and business.
I've had to learn to do a lot of things that people consider normal.
Simple things like going to an ATM to withdraw money without panicking and struggling to breathe.
I couldn't talk about money with anyone - friends, family, coaches, lovers because I would start shaking and freaking out.
I mean I couldn't even discuss how much things cost. If it was a topic that involved money in any way, you could've marked me absent.
I thought I was bewitched. How else could I explain some of these behaviors?
My money trauma (which was/is intergenerational) kept me in survival mode and in a constant state of hypervigilance, which meant my focus was on remaining safe and protected, not on saving and having money in the bank.
And to my brain and the parts of me that were stuck in the trauma - survival meant doing what had kept me and my maternal family alive - not having money in my bank account.
Having money felt unsafe, because growing up I saw how the person/people who had money in the family were expected to look after everyone else and if they said no, they were rejected or even physically or verbally attacked.
To me safety and survival meant not having money so I wouldn't be a target
I started a journey to integrate my money trauma and to regulate my nervous system whenever I dealt with money and I saw a shift:
🟡 I paid off US$60,000 (R700k at the time) in debt in 4 years
🟡 I stopped freaking out whenever I had to withdraw money from the ATM and now look at my bank statements and expenses once a month. I know where my money goes which makes it easier to plan financially
🟡 I don't just talk about money with friends, I also talk about money all day every day as part of my work and with clients. I even send invoices and remind people to pay me without a second thought. Some days I can't believe I am this person
🟡 I use money to nourish myself and to take care of myself. I get weekly massages, acupuncture, have a personal chef and a fitness trainer/ take yoga classes. And all this fits into my budget. I don't have to deny myself the things I want
🟡 I have an investment portfolio and even buy property cash, because I often have money saved. Me - the woman who was always in overdraft 👀
If you'd told me years ago that I would be able to change so much in my finances, I wouldn't have believed it but here we are.
And it all started with me making the decision to heal my money trauma. I am glad I didn’t wait.
