How To Release The Fear, Shame & Drama Of Asking For Money Or A Raise
How do you feel about asking for money in any situation?
- Asking clients to pay you?
- Asking for a raise?
- Asking friends to pay you what they owe you?
What goes through your head when you have to ask for money, even if it’s money owed to you?
Asking for money or increasing my prices and letting people know about the price increase was very stressful for me.
I used to believe that asking for money made me look like a beggar and made people pity me; I used to think people would look at me and think, “Oh shame, she’s broke, that’s why she is asking for her money.”
And because I didn’t want the pity (even when I was broke), I’d wait, pray and hope that people would remember to pay me my money or tip me for work done.
The ancestral trauma of having to ask for money
A lot of our fears and shame about asking for money are learned from our ancestors. Sometimes the shame and fear of asking for money is an ancestral trait.
According to the study of epigenetics inheritance, our ancestors don't just pass down their looks and genes to us. They also pass down their memories, emotional reactions and behavioral traits. Which has some deep ramifications for us.
A few years ago, I went to India to do my training as a tantra yoga teacher and when I was there I was guided to start going into my body and to create the current meditations that we do in the Creating Money Magic eCourse.
When I did the meditation on releasing memories that are stuck in the body around money I would instantly feel intense pain in my womb and ovaries and I would see memories tied to that pain.
Only thing, is unless I’m 300 or 400 years old, those were not my memories and they didn't feel like past life memories.
During the meditations, I would feel intense fear and have thoughts that it was NOT safe to shine and be wealthy as a woman. That it was in appropriate as a woman to have money and deal with money in any way.
I felt panicked at the thought of actually being that powerful as a woman because it meant I could be a target for men.
And then as a Black woman - the fear of standing out was too real. It felt like I was basically committing suicide.
The me now, knew these fears and thoughts were irrational but my subconscious that carried these emotions and memories, didn't feel like that.
It felt unsafe to be completely free, thriving and a Black woman in this world.
This feeling of safety and visibility because of the body I occupy was huge for me and I could sense it was more intense for women that came before me.
Because heaven forbid, you’re rumored to be a loose woman or a gold digger and the men pay attention to this. That would’ve been the death of your chances at a good marriage.
Most of us have carried this fear of money and being financially free as women.
This is probably why most women today, still care about what men think about us and pleasing them, because this was about life and death for women, like our great grandmothers.
Without really understanding why, our foremothers taught each of the women that came after them, and before us, how to survive - don't raise your voice, don't upset him, treat him like a king, put yourself last, let him take care of the finances etc.
All this survival is directly tied to finances and to our safety, because what if as a woman you married an abusive man with huge insecurities and here you are being secure and shining above him? Would you ever escape those fists?
So asking for money, especially money that’ll contribute to our financial freedom as women can feel unsafe and can come with a lot of emotional drama.
Because what will people say about such a woman?
Who would marry such a forward woman?
How to release the fear and shame of asking for money or a raise
Imagine yourself asking for money or asking for a raise and then:
1. Sit with the with the sensation of shame or fear about asking for money or a raise
Close your eyes, focus on your breath and feel into the shame and where it sits in your body.
Allow yourself to feel into your body and observe where this sensation sits in your body. Don’t try to change the sensation. Just allow it to be.
2. Converse with the fear or shame
Ask your fear or shame what it wants you to know and understand.
Focus on the sensation in your body and bring your hands to that body part and ask the sensation where you learned to feel this way about asking for money or a raise?
And just observe the memory that comes up for you.
3. Ask the fear or shame what it wants you to know about this situation and what it needs to be processed
Before we can truly release an emotion, we have to acknowledge it so we can start to process it and let it go.
So focus on where the shame or fear sits in your body and ask it what it needs in order to be processed so that you can start asking for your money or a raise.
4. Have set monthly reminder emails for money owed
I send clients a monthly money owed reminder on the 25th of each month.
All my student payments are automatic debits that happen on a set date.
It’s usually one line telling them when money is due and what date I’d like them to pay the money by. And since everyone knows that this email goes out every month on the 25th, no one feels awkward about it.
Sometimes people forget that they owe us money and they need a reminder.
Click on the video below to learn more about this topic
How does your fear of asking for money or a raise hold you back financially?
Share your insights in the comments section below.
