Why I Erased Self Discipline from My Vocabulary
A while back, a Facebook friend asked an interesting question:
"What is an unwritten rule/ common collective belief that you are ready to see erased.”
I said: I erased self discipline.
I erased self discipline from my life after my very first vipassana meditation retreat.
I went to vipassana when I was on the brink of taking my life. The only reason I didn't was because I went to an elderly tarot card reader, by the name of Raymond, at the Tremont Tea Room (in Boston, MA), who told me to hold on because in March (of 2011) I would go to a retreat that would change my life.
[I am tearing up just remembering and writing this].
A part of me didn't believe my life would ever change, I’d spent my entire childhood and teens depressed but I trusted Raymond so for some reason so I held on a few more months and went to this retreat with zero expectations.
And he was right - my life changed.
I walked out of my first vipassana sit and never had another suicidal thought in my life. (It's been more than 12 years since I started practicing vipassana).
The very first minute I did vipassana, I felt like I had found what I was looking for my whole life and I knew then that even when I was not okay, I would be okay because I had this practice. I knew I’d been searching for this practice my whole life (and believe me I had searched).
Up until then I believed that all my life's problems were because I lacked self discipline and that I was lazy and procrastinating because I couldn't manage myself.
I spent my teens and the first half of my 20s berating myself in order to become more disciplined
I drove myself hard non-stop to achieve this and my mental, emotional and physical health suffered.
On that meditation cushion in 2011, I realized I didn't lack discipline or passion or anything. I didn't NEED discipline - what I needed was healing, love and support.
I was procrastinating because I was exhausted and deeply traumatized and trying to protect myself.
I needed less self criticism of what I wasn't doing and more self compassion and a support structure to help me get myself together so I could heal and go beyond thriving.
I have so many Black women who come to me telling me that they need more self discipline and need someone who will whip them into shape so they have zero desires and can save every penny and it pains me.
My response is always: what you need is a system that is less oppressive and pays you a fair income and doesn't shame you for having a desire and wanting to enjoy money and life, but failing that: you need healing and support to make more money so you can meet your needs and desires.
I erased self discipline from my vocabulary because often we are told we need discipline when what we really need is healing, rest, tenderness, support and a good income (please pay Black Women for their labor)‼️
It is hard to have self discipline when I am in a trauma cycle and it's abusive to ask people whose nervous systems are overwhelmed and constantly taking a beating to have self discipline.
I erased self discipline because it feels rigid to me and I want flow. I have done more in life and business by honoring my spirit and getting support.
I have learned that support trumps discipline.
The irony is that people now praise me for my self discipline and I always respond with - I have support:
♦️ 5 different coaches for various areas of my life [I even have a writing coach, because why should I struggle to write anything when I can be supported and have fun writing?]. I happily pay my coaches because they cut down the learning curve for me which makes life easy for me
♦️ I belong to masterminds...because why do entrepreneurship alone when I can get support and be held so I can easily and quickly shift things when I freak out over my money ish?
♦️ Online courses (including the #MoneyMagic course) because why struggle to find out stuff when someone has already done the work and can help me see what I'm missing?
♦️ I have a financial advisor - I don't want the insane pressure of needing to know everything about money. If someone can get me a great deal on insurance, teach me ish quickly, answer questions and help me fill in forms, then mark me present
♦️ A Business accountant
♦️ A personal accountant - she gets me money back on my tax returns so I gladly pay her
♦️ A vegan chef to make sure I eat healthy - it takes away the obsession of worrying about eating healthy. It just happens
♦️ A fitness trainer to help me take care of my body - I actually work out regularly now because I have support and don't need to fight myself to have discipline to get to gym
♦️ 5 people on my team in my business so it looks like I am doing more but I am actually working way way less because I don't have to do it all and because I worry less, my mental health is soo much better (I plan to keep growing my team as I expand)
♦️ I go on retreats on the regular and allow myself to be supported as I rest
♦️ I have a gang of healers - massage therapists, acupuncturist, pranic healers, reiki practitioners etc. to help me calm my nervous system to help me process ish so I can keep working from a space of ease and health
♦️ Ancestors, guides, angels, the universe - I will take support from the spiritual plane too because it's available so why not receive it and make my life easy?
♦️ Technology - I am a fan of tech in my business. I even taught myself basic coding
In conclusion, I stopped forcing self discipline onto myself and depriving myself of ease, instead I got support and my life really changed - my mental and emotional health improved and kept improving and shockingly I started to write more, create more and manifest more. I became a better human, friend, daughter, sister...
I have a life I love and a business that allows me to work the hours I want, fills my soul, allows me to travel and live all over the world and makes a consistent stream of income and pays me a salary.
I don't want self discipline. I don't want the glory of a struggle/overcoming story or being called a strong Black Woman, I did struggle and I have been THE strong Black Woman, it exhausted me in every possible way and almost cost me my life (literally).
I am here for mental, emotional and physical health and ease above all else.
To me ease comes from support in almost every area of my life (and, yes, money comes in handy when paying for support).
So I am here to support other women in their healing and money journey because I know the difference this makes in terms of mental and emotional heal.
If this is resonating with you and you want to be supported on your money journey, then I invite you to check out, register or sign up for the waiting list for the #MoneyMagic course at this link: wealthy-money.com/moneymagic
