Dealing with the Fear of Being “Too Much”
There’s a part of me that needs this to keep myself playing small and to keep punishing others so I can be the victim and have someone to blame.
But there’s an even greater part of me that’s scared of stepping into my own power so it finds new ways to keep me playing small.
This has been my struggle for a long time and in one of my fitness sessions with Lungile Ngubane, I broke down in tears and howled for a full 10 mins as Lungs held space for the deep sorrow tearing out of my body.
In the middle of a squatting exercise I started feeling angry and sad in every fiber of my body and I just started sounding out, breathing and dropping into my body as my womb started speaking and the tears came in full force.
My womb shared how my refusal to fully step into my power is keeping her in a state of constant "pregnancy" and how this is what leads to disease later on because it's stagnant energy.
My womb was angry because I have so many projects that I’m being led to birth but I’m scared to give birth to them and I’d rather risk my health, than have people not like me.
The fear of being too much
Even though I have done loads of work on invisibility, I have uncovered another layer of fear - fear of being called "too much" and fear of no longer connecting with people from a struggle point, but a pleasure point and just fear of owning my power.
What if people get annoyed, triggered and don't like me because I am "too much"?
A life of abundance and following my dreams fully and unapologetically is scary – how can you hold onto grudges and feel powerless when you know you have the power to design your life?
Taking responsibility for our lives helps us follow our dreams.
I am forever grateful for the #MoneyMagic works because it taught me to feel into my body and to hear what my body is saying.
This is also why I chose Lungi as my fitness trainer because she understands my process and is a student of the work so she can fiercely hold space for the process to happen.
How are you playing small to get approval?
